EGO: Why Should I Bend First?
By Dr. Sunil S. Rana
There was a time when we never even knew the word Ego.
In our childhood, our parents and elders corrected us freely - sometimes lovingly, sometimes sternly - and we took it in our stride. We never measured our worth in “who apologised first.” But look around today - Ego is everywhere, floating in every relationship like invisible smoke that chokes the very air of love and understanding.
Be it a family conversation, a friendship, or a workplace dialogue - people are ready to do anything but bend first. The modern mantra seems to be: “Why should I say sorry? Why should I take the first step?”
In the battle of words, hearts are getting defeated.
The Epidemic Called Ego:
Nobody is ready to accept criticism anymore. The moment someone points out a mistake, we take it as a personal attack - a wound to our pride. “How dare you correct me?” has replaced “Thank you for guiding me.”
What a fall it has been!
We are living in an age where people confuse correction with insult, advice with arrogance, and silence with weakness. One word of disagreement and relationships shatter like fragile glass.
The saddest part - even blood relations are not spared.
“Ego has no family. It recognizes no bonds.”
Today, parents are hesitant to correct their children; siblings avoid meaningful discussions; friends walk on eggshells. What we have are not connections, but contacts. Relationships have become as delicate as social media handles - one wrong word, one misunderstood tone, and block, unfriend, delete.
Judgement Without Knowing the Truth:
People have mastered the art of forming opinions without knowing the facts.
They listen to half-baked stories and then wear those tales as gospel truth.
“Character assassination has become a pastime; truth is the casualty.”
Many judge others based on old versions of them - what they once did, what they once said. They forget that people evolve. As the Upanishads say,
“The self is ever-changing - growing, shedding, becoming.”
But instead of seeing change, people cling to their convenient memories of others. They gossip, they whisper, they narrate tales embroidered with ego and assumption. And in this process, they not only malign others but also poison their own peace of mind.
By the time truth emerges, it’s too late - bridges have been burned, trust has been buried, and silence becomes the new language between once-close hearts.
Ego: The Silent Killer of Relationships:
In the Mahabharata, Duryodhana’s downfall was not born out of poverty or ignorance - it was Ego.
Despite knowing the truth, he chose pride over peace.
Lord Krishna’s wise counsel, Vidura’s logic, Bhishma’s plea - all fell on deaf ears because the Ego within was louder than the Truth outside.
Similarly, Ravana in the Ramayana was a scholar of unmatched intellect, but what destroyed him? Not Lord Rama’s arrow - but his Ahankara (Ego).
As the saying goes,
“When pride walks in, wisdom walks out.”
Ego blinds even the brightest. It makes people fight the ones who care most, doubt those who speak truth, and embrace those who flatter them. It’s the invisible wall between ‘you’ and ‘me,’ making us forget the word ‘we’.
The Illusion of ‘I’
In Sanskrit, the word Ahamkara means “the delusion of I-ness.”
It is the false identity we build - thinking we are above correction, beyond fault, and immune to apology. But as Swami Vivekananda said:
“The greatest religion is to be true to your own nature. Have faith in yourselves!”
To be true, however, one must first be humble enough to see the truth.
Ego blinds that vision.
Why Should I Bend First?
This question - “Why should I bend first?” - is the birthplace of countless heartbreaks.
But in truth, bending is not breaking. It’s wisdom in motion.
The tree that bends in the storm survives; the one that resists snaps.
As Kabir wisely said:
“Mānā hua to kyā hua, jaise ped khajoor,
Panthi ko chhāyā nahin, phal lage ati dūr.”
(“What’s the use of growing tall like the date tree? It gives no shade to travellers, and its fruits are far away.”)
Ego gives height, not depth. It makes you look taller but keeps you empty.
A Mirror for the Modern Mind:
Let’s introspect - how many relationships have we lost just because we couldn’t say “I’m sorry” or “Maybe you were right.”
How many nights of peace have been stolen by our pride?
Remember, apologizing doesn’t mean you’re wrong - it means you value the relationship more than your Ego.
As the Bhagavad Gita reminds us:
“He who conquers himself is the greatest of warriors.”
And Ego is the battlefield within us all.
In the End:
Ego never allows peace to reside in the same room.
It feeds on misunderstandings and grows with silence.
Let us not allow it to become the invisible wall between hearts that once laughed together.
Because at the end of the day,
“It is not love that fails - it is Ego that wins.”
Let us win back our humility, our ability to listen, to forgive, to bend first -
for that’s not weakness,
it’s enlightened strength.
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