What Is Meant To Stay Will Stay...

 The Ebb and Flow of Life: Losing, Finding, and Becoming

By Dr Sunil S Rana 

Life is an ever-changing river, meandering through unforeseen twists and turns, sometimes calm and sometimes tumultuous. We lose love, we lose friends, and we even lose parts of ourselves that we once believed were indispensable. But just as night gives way to dawn, life replenishes what it takes, often with something better, something more profound. New love enters, better friends appear, and standing in the mirror is a version of ourselves that is stronger, wiser, and deeply aware of life’s transient nature.

Indian philosophy has long contemplated the impermanence of life, teaching that change is the only constant. As Adi Shankaracharya eloquently said, "Bhaja Govindam, Bhaja Govindam, Govindam Bhaja Moodhamate", meaning, "Seek the divine, O fool, for material possessions and relationships are fleeting." The essence of this wisdom is not to detach from life but to understand its fluidity and embrace both loss and gain with equanimity.

The Illusion of Permanence: Love and Friendships Lost

The pain of losing love or friends often feels insurmountable, as though a part of us has been carved away. We become prisoners of our memories, replaying moments that once defined our happiness. But what we fail to realize in the immediacy of grief is that this loss is not an end but a transformation.

"You came empty-handed, and you will leave empty-handed." This profound statement from the Bhagavad Gita reminds us that nothing in this world is ours to keep forever—not even relationships. Life is an eternal cycle of coming together and parting ways, not necessarily because of fate but because growth often demands it.

When a loved one walks away, we lament as if we have lost a limb, forgetting that our own journey is still unfolding. As Swami Vivekananda said, "Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life—think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success." Love and friendships should not become shackles; rather, they should be stepping stones to self-discovery.

In Indian culture, friendships and love are considered karmic bonds—what is meant to stay will stay, and what is meant to go will go. The Ramayana beautifully illustrates this when Lord Rama, despite his deep love for Sita, accepts her exile, understanding that duty and destiny are beyond personal desires. The lesson here is not one of heartlessness but of acceptance: sometimes, we must let go so that something greater can emerge.

The Pieces of the Self: Losing and Finding

In the process of losing others, we often lose ourselves. The person we once were—full of dreams, ambitions, and joy—seems to dissolve into the shadows of heartache. This internal fragmentation can be the most painful loss of all. However, Indian wisdom suggests that this loss is merely an illusion.

According to the Upanishads, "Tat Tvam Asi", meaning, "Thou art that." This implies that our essence remains untouched despite external upheavals. The self is eternal, unbreakable, and ever-evolving. The version of us that fades was never meant to last; it was a mere stepping stone to our true self.

When we break, we are given a choice: to remain shattered or to rebuild ourselves with wisdom. Rabindranath Tagore once wrote, "Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them." Strength is not found in avoiding pain but in facing it head-on, in allowing ourselves to be refined by adversity rather than consumed by it.

New Beginnings: The Return of Love and Friendship

Just as nature does not allow a vacuum to exist, life does not leave us empty forever. When the time is right, new love enters, and better friends appear—not as replacements but as reinforcements of the lessons we have learned. The Bhagavad Gita reassures us, "Whatever happened was good, whatever is happening is good, whatever will happen will also be good."

This does not mean we should passively wait for happiness to return. Instead, we must cultivate the right energy within ourselves. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." If we seek love, we must become love. If we seek meaningful friendships, we must embody loyalty and understanding.

When we elevate ourselves, we attract people and experiences that resonate with our new vibration. The friends who now enter our lives are those who uplift us, who see us for who we have become, not who we were. The love that returns is one that aligns with our truest self, not our past insecurities.

A Stronger, Wiser Self: The Final Reflection

One day, we look in the mirror and see someone different—someone forged in the fires of loss and renewal. The fragile, naive self has given way to a person of resilience and wisdom. We no longer fear change because we have lived through it and emerged whole.

As the ancient Indian proverb goes, "A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well." We, too, are diamonds, shaped by our struggles, polished by our lessons, and shining with newfound clarity.

This wisdom does not make us immune to future heartbreak, but it prepares us. We understand now that loss is not an end, and gain is not the final destination. Everything is a cycle, and the only thing we truly own is our response to it.

As Swami Chinmayananda said, "The secret of success in life is not to look at the past with regret nor to look at the future with fear, but to live in the present moment with confidence and joy."

So, we stand tall, knowing that love will come, friends will stay or leave, and we will continue to evolve. Because that is life—a journey of losing, finding, and becoming.