How to navigate relationships...?
By Dr Sunil S Rana
Dear Readers,
I had asked my Blog readers the following:
Dear Readers,
I deeply value the time you spend reading my blog, and your unwavering support continues to inspire me to write and share more. Today, I come to you with a special request that could make our connection even more meaningful.
Is there a topic or subject close to your heart that you would like me to explore? Whether it’s a personal interest, a societal issue, or a thought-provoking idea, I would be delighted to share my views and insights in the form of a blog post. This is not just an opportunity for me to cover new and diverse topics but also a chance to interact with you directly and collaboratively.
You can share your suggestions either here on my WhatsApp or in the comments section of my blog. Don’t worry about writing a complete essay or detailed paragraphs. Even a single sentence or a few words will suffice and I will take it from there.
Once I write on your suggested topic, I invite you to share your feedback, thoughts, or even counterpoints. Additionally, if you wish, I will mention your name as the inspiration behind the topic, giving credit where it’s due. Imagine your conceived idea reaching thousands of readers, enriching lives, and sparking meaningful conversations.
Let’s embark on this collaborative journey where we inspire, learn, and grow together. Your ideas matter, and I look forward to hearing from you!
Warm regards,
Dr. Sunil S Rana
Blogger...✒️
In response to my above mentioned request, I got the following query/topic of discussion from Rohan Chauhan, my Bhatija (Brother's son).
Hello Chachaji,
"I am very doubtful with my personality I want you to elaborate if I am wrong or the world...That is because you know me very well...People usually I meet say ke bhai koi dikkat ho to bataaiyo we are all family...Jab koi dikkat hoti hai mai batata hu to sab baato ko faila detey hai bajaaye ke help karney k. Gharo m jaha I go waha naatak bohot chalta hai mujhe pata hota hai ye insaan naatak kar raha hai kalko meri hi back bitching karega...agar mai uska naatak ka reply naatak se naa dekar apne dil se deta hu to mai bura ho jaata hu or kyuki Mai jaanta hu I can't reply him with fakeness wo karunga to koi fark nahi bachega to uskey baad mere paas koi option nahi bachta...I feel really alone at times when even my mother lacks to understand me and wo bhi mere saath nahi khadi hoti. To aap relations kaise handle kiye jaata hai ispar please thoda elaborate karo and emphasis specially on people jo rishto me khaali Dil se sochtey h dimaag nahi lagaatey. Then I will reply with my counter point agar mujhe aapka point clear Naa hua to..."
My reply to Rohan in the form of this Blog.
Dear Rohan,
First of all, thank you for trusting me with your thoughts and for bringing up such a deeply personal and relatable topic. The concerns you’ve expressed resonate with many, and I am glad to take up this discussion. You’ve eloquently highlighted a common dilemma: how to navigate relationships in a world filled with pretenses and conflicting expectations. Let’s explore this together with the wisdom of great Indian thinkers, supported by idioms, phrases, and maxims.
The Core Conflict: Heart vs. Mind
You mentioned that you approach relationships sincerely and genuinely, often relying on your heart rather than cunning or calculated strategies. This can be both a strength and a challenge. The great saint Kabir Das once said:
"Nindak niyare rakhiye, aangan kuti chhaway;
Bin sabun paani bina, nirmal kare subhay."
(Keep your critics close, for they cleanse your character without soap or water.)
This means that even when others seem insincere or critical, their behavior can teach us something valuable—about them, the world, and even ourselves. Their actions reflect their insecurities and mindset, not your shortcomings.
However, Kabir also emphasized that sincerity should not be sacrificed. "Jahan daya wahan dharm hai, jahan jhooth wahan paap." (Where there is compassion, there is virtue; where there is deceit, there is sin.) Acting from the heart, as you do, is a virtue, but balancing it with practicality can help you avoid unnecessary pain.
On Pretense and Backbiting
Your frustration with people who engage in gossip or pretense is justified. Swami Vivekananda advised:
"Be true to yourself, and you will never falter in the face of duplicity."
Gossip and insincerity stem from small-mindedness. It’s essential to rise above such behavior rather than stooping to their level. As the idiom says, "Don’t wrestle with pigs—you both get dirty, and the pig enjoys it."
When faced with pretense, remember the wisdom of Chanakya:
"Avoid those who flatter to your face and gossip behind your back. Such people are poison cloaked in honey."
Chanakya taught that responding to pretense with authenticity disarms manipulators. Instead of engaging in their "drama," stay focused on your values. In the long run, your integrity will outshine their deception.
When Feeling Misunderstood
It’s heartbreaking to feel misunderstood, especially by close family members like your mother. Rabindranath Tagore beautifully captured this sentiment in his poem:
"The deepest wounds are often inflicted by those closest to our hearts."
However, relationships require patience and perspective. Mahatma Gandhi said:
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
This means instead of expecting understanding, focus on being empathetic yourself. Over time, this kindness often inspires reciprocal warmth and clarity. Even when others don’t respond as you hope, remember, "A clear conscience is a soft pillow." Knowing you’ve acted with sincerity is its own reward.
On Feeling Alone
Loneliness can be heavy, especially when you feel unsupported. Sri Aurobindo wrote:
"Loneliness is not the absence of company; it is the absence of understanding."
You are not truly alone, Rohan. There are people, like me, who understand and value your emotions. It’s important to cultivate a circle of genuine friends who respect your authenticity. As the saying goes: "Birds of a feather flock together." Seek out those who share your values, and you will feel less isolated.
Jiddu Krishnamurti reminds us:
"The ability to be alone is the foundation of true freedom."
Learn to enjoy your own company, Rohan. Strength comes from within, and once you find contentment in yourself, others’ behavior will have less power to hurt you.
Handling Relationships with Wisdom
1. Don’t Overreact to Pretense:
As you mentioned, you often detect when someone is pretending. Instead of calling them out or reacting emotionally, try responding with neutrality.
"Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good reply." Your silence can be more powerful than any argument.
2. Balance Heart and Mind:
Relationships thrive on a balance of emotions and logic. As Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam said:
"Don’t take rest after your first victory because if you fail in the second, more lips are waiting to say that your first was just luck."
Similarly, don’t let one hurtful relationship define your approach to others. Keep your emotions grounded in reason.
3. Choose Your Battles:
You cannot change everyone. Focus your energy on relationships that matter. As the idiom says, "You can’t please everyone." By letting go of unworthy connections, you’ll have more time for meaningful bonds.
4. Communicate Clearly:
Misunderstandings often arise from assumptions. Be direct yet respectful in expressing your feelings.
"A stitch in time saves nine." Addressing issues early can prevent long-term harm.
5. Forgive, but Don’t Forget:
Forgiveness liberates you from resentment. However, learn from experiences to protect yourself in the future. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."
Practical Steps for Your Situation
1. Focus on Personal Growth:
Pursue your passions and build skills that boost your confidence. When you shine, negativity fades. "The best revenge is massive success."
2. Be Selective in Sharing:
Trust is earned, not given. Share personal issues only with those who have proven themselves reliable.
As the proverb goes, "Not everyone who shakes your hand is your friend."
3. Set Boundaries:
Politely but firmly distance yourself from toxic individuals. Chanakya advised:
"Never share your weaknesses with others; the world is quick to exploit them."
4. Find Emotional Outlets:
When overwhelmed, talk to someone you trust or write your thoughts in a journal. This reduces stress and provides clarity.
Final Thoughts
Rohan, relationships are complex, but authenticity is your greatest strength. Remember:
"The tallest trees are rooted in the deepest soil." Stay grounded in your values, and you’ll withstand any storm.
When faced with challenges, think of the grass bending under wind—it doesn’t resist, but neither does it break. Humility and resilience will guide you through.
Let me know your thoughts, and we can delve deeper into any aspect you feel is unresolved.
Warm regards,
Chacha (Dr. Sunil S Rana)
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