Use Things, Love People...

 "Umbrellas and Loyalties: Learning to Value People Over Possessions".

By Dr Sunil S Rana 

There’s an old adage that says, “Once the rain is over, an umbrella becomes a burden.” This simple yet profound statement captures an all-too-common human tendency: when the benefits provided by someone end, so too, often, does loyalty. It’s a bitter truth that reveals the tendency of some people to discard relationships once the ‘usefulness’ fades- a trait that’s inherently tied to materialistic psychology. But as human beings, we must remind ourselves that true connections with people should never be approached with a "use and discard" mentality. Instead, as Mahatma Gandhi wisely advised, "Love should be shown towards humanity and not possessions."

In a world that seems increasingly materialistic, the value we place on people versus possessions often reveals our true nature. Unfortunately, this imbalance has blurred the lines between what is loved and what is used. To live a fulfilled life, we need to remember, as the renowned philosopher Martin Buber once stated, “I-Thou relationships should replace I-It relationships.” His insight reminds us that human interactions should be treated as sacred bonds rather than transactional exchanges.

Materialism and Human Relationships

Materialism, often a result of today’s consumer-driven society, has a pervasive influence on how people perceive relationships. A growing body of psychological research indicates that materialistic individuals often prioritize objects over people, leading to shallow, self-centered relationships. This mindset creates a dangerous pattern: individuals begin to measure relationships through the lens of benefits and possessions rather than emotions and integrity. As a result, when benefits cease, these relationships fade away. This is often seen in phrases like “fair-weather friend,” highlighting those who only stick around during prosperous times but vanish when adversity strikes.

A well-known saying goes, “The measure of a man is what he does with power.” Similarly, the measure of our humanity is how we treat people when there’s nothing material to gain. If we value individuals for who they are rather than what they provide, we cultivate bonds that transcend possessions. Relationships built on respect and empathy are the cornerstone of human well-being, as confirmed by countless psychological studies.

The Psychology of Valuing People Over Objects

The tendency to value items over people is rooted in a variety of psychological factors, including societal norms, upbringing, and the basic human drive for security. Materialistic societies teach us, sometimes indirectly, that possessions are paramount to success, happiness, and even identity. Many people internalize this value system from an early age, leading them to focus on accumulating wealth and goods at the expense of genuine human connections.

This phenomenon is what psychologists call the “hedonic treadmill,” where individuals constantly seek new possessions and pleasures to fulfill their desires, only to find themselves unfulfilled once they acquire them. It’s a cycle that shifts our focus away from people and towards possessions, fostering dissatisfaction. This concept aligns with the philosophy of Albert Schweitzer, who said, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”

This cycle is not only spiritually but also psychologically damaging. Studies show that people who prioritize material goals over relational ones experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, and even depression. As the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus stated, “Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” When we turn this wisdom toward our relationships, we learn to appreciate people for their intrinsic value rather than their ability to fulfill our needs.

The Heartfelt Value of Genuine Connections

Human beings are wired for connection. Renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow, who developed the hierarchy of needs, placed “love and belonging” just above basic physiological and safety needs, underscoring its importance for mental well-being. When we truly connect with people, free from the need for possessions, our lives become more meaningful. Relationships built on genuine affection and understanding provide solace and resilience during challenging times.

The noted author Maya Angelou captured this sentiment beautifully when she wrote, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” The emotions we share with others leave an indelible mark that far outlasts material gifts. In contrast, using people as we use objects- discarding them when their ‘function’ is fulfilled-ultimately leads to regret and emptiness.

“Use Things, Love People” - A Moral Imperative

There is wisdom in the simple phrase, “Use things, love people.” It reminds us that while objects are here to serve us, human beings should be valued and cherished. When we reverse this order- using people and loving things—life becomes hollow, and our souls suffer. Dr. Wayne Dyer, a leading psychologist and self-help author, once advised, “If you want to accomplish something, make it less about possession and more about purpose.”

By adopting this mindset, we’re not only enriching our own lives but also fulfilling a moral imperative to uplift others. Whether it’s a kind word, a helping hand, or a gesture of empathy, valuing people over things strengthens the fabric of society. As the Dalai Lama expressed, “The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes.”

Learning to Cultivate Lasting Connections

Building enduring relationships demands time, patience, and often selflessness. It’s about nurturing bonds that transcend the temporary allure of material gain. True friendship and love are priceless gifts that no amount of money can buy. And yet, we tend to forget this in our relentless pursuit of wealth and success. If we strive to “Be a friend to others, not for what they give, but for who they are,” we will find deeper fulfillment and joy.

One way to cultivate such relationships is by practicing active gratitude. When we appreciate the people around us for their qualities rather than their utility, we foster a sense of respect and admiration that materialism can’t touch. Expressing gratitude has been shown to improve happiness levels and reduce stress—a powerful reminder that appreciating people brings us genuine joy. “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful,” as expressed by Brother David Steindl-Rast, a prominent spiritual teacher.

Another essential element is empathy. Understanding and feeling another person’s experiences and emotions deepens our connections and helps us view them as whole individuals rather than as resources to exploit. This mindset aligns with the famous words of Atticus Finch, the moral compass of Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, who said, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

Letting Go of Material Attachments

Breaking free from materialistic thinking isn’t easy in a world that glorifies possessions. But as we turn our focus to nurturing connections, we gain a greater sense of purpose and content