FRIENDSHIP... Part-1

 The Loneliness Epidemic: Men in the Absence of Friendship.

By Dr Sunil S Rana 

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together," said Woodrow Wilson, and yet, in today’s fast-paced, individualistic world, this cement seems to be crumbling for many, particularly men. A distressing observation from Dr. Dayaram Swami, a renowned psychologist, highlights how the lack of meaningful friendships is contributing to emotional, mental, and even physical distress among men. Let us delve deeper into this issue, explore its causes, and understand how restoring the value of friendships can heal these growing wounds.

The Essence of Friendship

In Indian philosophy, the concept of "Mitra" or friend is deeply rooted in spiritual and societal values. The Rigveda refers to friends as companions who uplift, guide, and stand beside you through thick and thin. A friend is not merely a social connection but a bond of mutual understanding, support, and unconditional love. However, in modern times, this sacred thread is often neglected, leading to an emotional vacuum.

Friendships act as the emotional spine of one’s life. They are akin to the banyan tree, providing shade, strength, and resilience. Without this tree, the scorching heat of life's challenges becomes unbearable. Unfortunately, societal and cultural changes have weakened the roots of male camaraderie, leaving many men struggling to cope with life’s vicissitudes.

Why Are Men Struggling?

The statistics shared in the clipping paint a grim picture. The number of men feeling emotionally deprived is on the rise. The problem stems from a complex interplay of societal norms, changing lifestyles, and digital isolation:

1. The Burden of Masculinity: Society often imposes unrealistic expectations on men to be stoic, emotionally self-reliant, and invulnerable. As Swami Vivekananda aptly said, "The world is the great gymnasium where we come to make ourselves strong." However, strength is often misinterpreted as the suppression of feelings rather than the acceptance of vulnerability. Men, therefore, hesitate to express their emotions or seek support, leading to isolation.

2. The Digital Illusion: The rise of social media has created an illusion of connectivity while simultaneously eroding genuine bonds. Likes and comments have replaced heartfelt conversations, and virtual "friends" cannot fill the void left by real human connection. As the article highlights, 30% of men admitted to lacking close friends, a number that should alarm us all.

3. The Disappearing Village of Support: In traditional Indian communities, men often found support in their extended family, neighbors, and community members. With urbanization and nuclear families, this "village" has largely disappeared, leaving men to navigate life’s challenges alone.

4. Workplace Stress: In the rat race to achieve professional success, personal relationships are often sacrificed. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," but for many men, it makes them lonely and depressed. The imbalance between work and social life leaves little room for nurturing friendships.

The Consequences of Loneliness

Loneliness is not just a mental health issue; it is a public health crisis. Men devoid of close friendships are more prone to depression, anxiety, and even physical illnesses such as heart disease. The clipping highlights a shocking statistic: men without friends are 7 times more likely to engage in violent behavior and 10 times more likely to commit suicide. These numbers are a stark reminder of the urgency to address this issue.

Furthermore, loneliness affects relationships with family, particularly with spouses and children. A man burdened with unexpressed emotions can inadvertently become irritable, distant, or even abusive, as mentioned in the report. This ripple effect underscores the societal importance of fostering male friendships.

The Role of Friendship in Healing

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." True friendships are rooted in selflessness and service, offering men a safe space to express, heal, and grow. The value of having a confidant, someone who listens without judgment, cannot be overstated.

Friendships also act as a mirror, reflecting both strengths and weaknesses. A true friend is like the charioteer of Arjuna in the Mahabharata, guiding and mentoring through life’s Kurukshetra. Such relationships can transform lives by instilling confidence, purpose, and joy.

Rebuilding the Bonds

Reviving the culture of male friendships requires conscious effort, both at an individual and societal level. Here are some ways to address this crisis:

1. Break the Taboo Around Emotions: Encourage men to express their feelings openly. Conversations about mental health should be normalized, breaking the chains of toxic masculinity. As Rabindranath Tagore wrote, "The mind is afraid of the unknown; break free and embrace the light."

2. Prioritize Quality Time: Friendship is like a plant that needs regular care to thrive. Setting aside time for meaningful interactions—be it a coffee outing, a shared hobby, or a heartfelt phone call—can reignite lost connections.

3. Leverage Community Activities: Joining clubs, sports teams, or volunteering groups can help men build new friendships. These activities also provide a sense of belonging and purpose.

4. Balance Digital and Real Life: While technology has its benefits, face-to-face interactions remain irreplaceable. A simple act of sitting with a friend, sharing laughter, or walking in silence can create profound connections.

5. Teach Friendship to Children: The next generation should be taught the importance of friendship. Schools and families must create an environment where children learn to value relationships over materialism or individual achievements.

A Call to Action

As the article poignantly states, showing love and appreciation to friends is crucial. A simple "thank you," a word of encouragement, or a gesture of kindness can go a long way in nurturing these bonds. Let us not wait for regret to remind us of the value of friendship.

In conclusion, men need to rediscover the treasure chest of friendships, for it holds the jewels of happiness, resilience, and fulfillment. As the great thinker Chanakya said, "Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions—Why am I doing it? What might the results be? And will I be successful?" If we apply this wisdom to the effort of rebuilding friendships, the answers will undoubtedly lead to a happier, healthier society.

Friendship is not a luxury but a necessity, a bridge over the troubled waters of life. Let us cherish, nurture, and celebrate this timeless bond, for in the words of Kabir, "Dost se bada dhan aur kya ho sakta hai?" (What greater wealth can there be than a friend?)